There is no such thing as an ideal or perfect person. There is no such thing as a perfect family in which there are no problems. Part of being human is having flaws and making mistakes. It is by learning from our imperfections and errors that we grow into wiser people. The fact that the human race is not perfect is part of what makes life interesting.
Everything that comes up in the course of relating with our imperfect families brings up feelings in us. The action or attitude of a family member may make us feel angry, threatened, or lonely. When we can be honest about our feelings and talk about issues, these feelings and the ways in which the behaviors that triggered them are worked out helps us grow.
If, on the other hand, we are raised by parents who, because of their own upbringing, are unable to deal with their feelings openly and honestly, they teach us to deny our feelings, to pretend those feelings don't exist.
"Don't feel; don't talk; don't spill the family secrets." That is the message given to us in a dysfunctional family.
